How it all began...

     After trying to conceive for many months we were thrilled to find out we were pregnant Saturday morning, October 23rd, 2004.  We were so happy to bring another child into this world and give our daughter a sibling. 

     At 19weeks 4 days pregnant on our way to church one morning I told my husband that I thought something was wrong.  We continued on our drive and when we arrived I rushed to the bathroom.  Thinking I was miscarrying I went to get my husband and were on our way to the ER.  After an ultrasound there they told me that I did not lose the baby, she was fine.  I was not.  I had what was called Placenta Abruption which 1/200 women get.  It is a condition where the placenta separates from the uterus before labor begins.  I was put on bedrest and was told the bleeding should stop.  It never did.  I started having contractions on and off within 2 weeks and at my next Dr's appt they found out I was dialated to 2 and had to be taken in an ambulance over to Hurley Hospital in Flint, Michigan since the local hopspital did not have an NICU.  After the long 8 day stay there being on the verge of delivery they trained my husband in some medication that he would have to inject in my stomach as needed to relax my cervix and prevent anymore dialation so we could go home. 

    The next day my mother came over to take care of me while my husband went back to work.  About noon I could feel some cramping coming on but nothing major.  By 2 I knew they were contractions and needed a shot.  My husband was an hour away and my mom just couldn't give it to me.  I called Andrew and he was on his way.  The contractions were about 5 minutes apart by now.  When he got home he rushed to give me the shot, but it was too late.  My contractions were now every 3 minutes and I was afraid I would have the baby on our couch!  He immediately called for an ambulance.  In route to the hospital (40 mins away) I gave birth.  I will never forget that ride.  I did not hear her cry, I heard nothing.  The EMT told my husband to keep my attention and he would take care of our baby.  As the doors of the ambulance opened the EMT ran into the hospital with my daughter wrapped up in a blanket in his arms.  I was taken up to labor and delivery for the rest of the birth not knowing if my daughter was even alive. 

      We were taken down to the NICU shortly after that to see our daughter, Maria Grace.  She was so tiny, the smallest baby I had ever seen.  There were doctors and nurses all around her explaining all these things we had never heard of before.  I turned pale and was feeling dizzy, the nurses said they thought I needed to sit down and they wheeled me back to my room.  We went to see her several times a day while I was still admited in the hospital.  Going home without our baby was the hardest. 

     We faithfully came to see her every day for the next 5 weeks.  It was quite a roller coaster ride.  Some days were great and others were so bad we were told she might not make it through the night. 

     April 19, 2005    I called into the hospital like I always did in the morning to find out how she was, her weight that day, etc.  The nurse said things were not good, having been told this in the past I thought she would be fine, she's made it this far.  I drove to the hospital to see 4-5 doctors and nurses in her room with the lights on(they were always off), and all looking at the computer monitors.  The Dr said that he was about to call me (which he's never done), he said it does not look good.  Not wanting to believe the worst, I asked him what does not look good?!  He said she was on every ventilator today and she is just not gettng enough oxygen saturation in her blood and her kidneys are shutting down(thats the first organ to go).  My family and husband were up there immediately and my husband and I watched the monitor as her heartbeat slowly dropped and stopped.  They took us to a grieving room and brought our daughter to us in a gown.  We held her and cried for hours and eventually had to go.  Driving home that night the car was silent, only tears.  I miss her terribly every day, but I know one day I will see her again.